019 - Hell Toupee

This weeks' confused ramblings include :

  • Tim marvels at David's impression of Prince Charles impersonating David Blunkett;
  • We speculate about what a podcast hosted by our fathers would sound like and;
  • Tim grumbles about the over-inflated sense of importance people place on their jobs. 

The CROATS Podcast - Not running for president of the USA in 2016.

018 - Shorn Parka

This weeks confused ramblings include :

  • Tim wants to know if rhetorical answers exist;
  • The show is interrupted by a phone call, and its not Geoff from Horsham and;
  • We subject Tim's recent tweets to some rigorous scientific analysis. 

If you were a character in the CROATS podcast how young would you look?

017 - Moseses Toeses

This weeks Confused Ramblings include :

  • Tim and David exchange words over the scientific veracity of astrology;
  • Tim speculates how the Nazis might operate as a University social club and;
  • David thanks our newest Twitter followers whilst Tim indulges in some vigorous exercise. 

The CROATS Podcast - Tim invites you to get naked and take pictures of yourself whilst listening to this weeks' episode.

016 - Keyser Soy Sauce

This week's confused ramblings include :

  • Two new entries into Tim's Correction Corner;
  • David imagines what would happen if Brooks Newmark joined the Justice League of America and;
  • We ruin every M. Night Shyamalan movie in a spoilerific final segment.  

No, seriously, don't listen between 45:40 and 46:30 if you don't want The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Signs, The Village and - for some reason also The Mousetrap and The Usual Suspects - completely ruined. 

Oh and skip 53:30 to 54:30 if you're planning on reading The Diceman anytime soon either.  The CROATS Podcast.  Don't say you weren't warned!

015 - The Shrinking Pentagram

This weeks' confused ramblings include :

  • Tim speaks of his time working with Peter The Scythe;
  • We ruminate on the origins of The Krankies and;
  • Geoff from Horsham triggers activity on the Dark Web. 

This weeks' CROATS Podcast is Proteinaceous!

014 - The Book Of Sparrows

This week's confused ramblings include:

  • Thievery! Tim steals a joke from his friend Seamus;
  • Phrasery! CROATS Go Croatian is back with some mis-translation fun;
  • Vagrancy! Tim shares a tale of his encounters with beggars

This episode was recently voted the 7th worst episode of the CROATS podcast!

013 - Here Is The Milk

This Weeks' Confused Ramblings Include:

  • Tim warms up Swedish Air Force style;
  • We discuss Tim's Facebook friends - Franz Kafka and Charles Darwin;
  • And there's an exclusive reading of two previously unpublished letters' from Prince Charles' archive. 

The CROATS Podcast - do you tolerate it?

012 - The Opposite Of Meat

This Weeks' Confused Ramblings Include:

  • Wittgenstein from the off! Tim derails the podcast in record time;
  • Filth in the middle! Tim googles beaver and pitches an X-rated version of Cluedo;
  • A musical ending! Tim's tribute to David Cameron. 

The CROATS Podcast - Cymru listen to us!

011 - The Only Way Is Yup

It's the CROATS Election Special!  David valiantly attempts to keep Tim on track in discussing the upcoming UK election but can't prevent several diversions into such topics as : 

  • The content of our very first piece of listener fan mail; 
  • How to eat a banana whilst maintaining your dignity;
  • David's prior career as a milkman; and
  • Tim's dabbling in the Quiz Show genre again...surely it can't be as bad as The Backwards Quiz? 

Remember - its important you cast your vote this week - are you #withthegrain or #againstthegrain?

010 - Matt Demon

Double Digits!  This Week's Confused Ramblings Include:

  • Tim explains his system for ranking serial killers,
  • Has David finally discovered Tim's true identity?,
  • Tim tries his hand at stand-up comedy, and
  • David discovers how easy it is to create audio pornography for the blind using sound clips of TIm's voice.

No ladies were maimed with darts during the making of this episode.

009a - CROATS Contest

The more observant listeners to the podcast may have noticed something missing from Episode 009 of the CROATS podcast, namely a lack of resoultion to the Dictionary Word Of The Week.

Not only did Tim failed to guess the correct word but David forgot to reveal the answer at the end of the show.  Whoops!

Anyway, we figured this might present a fun opportunity to involve our listeners in the show.  So, if you think you know what the Dictionary Word of the Week was in Episode 009 let us know by tweeting the word to @croatspodcast, or emailing thecroatspodcast@gmail.com.

The first person to guess the word correctly will win a £25 Amazon.co.uk gift voucher.  Not bad eh?

Be warned though, the reason Tim didn't get the word this week is probably because David cheated somewhat. He did say the word during the show, but has it really been a Dictionary.com word of the day?  Hmm...

He wasn't lying though when he said the answer was both too easy and too difficult. 

Ok, that's enough clues - happy hunting!

009 - I Am The Tea Man


This Weeks Confused Ramblings Include :

  • David attempts to diagnose Tim with borderline personality disorder;
  • Tim overshares about spending alone time with a £10 note; and
  • Tim sings a song written during his troubled time on the streets as a beggar, a vagrant, a tramp.  

The CROATS Podcast! Not endorsed by Tim Vine!

008 - Medication Needed


This Weeks Confused Ramblings Include :

  • Intellectual-Off! Tim discovers that he doesn't quite measure up to either David or Osama Bin Laden;
  • Tim argues that Dannii Minogue is a medical wonder and a secret Croatian; and
  • Tim explains how he definately doesn't benchmark his shopping against the dates of famous battles. 

Podcasting ain't cheap! This week's episode cost £10.69 to make.

007 - Friel Hunch

It's Episode Numero Septum and this week's confused ramblings include :

  • Connecting the dots between the Jehovah's Witnesses and Peter Sutcliffe;
  • Tim boasts of his ability to Mind The Gap; and
  • David regales Tim with an anecdote, a story, a tale about a recent trip to the barbers.

April Showers - Don't forget your brolly!

006 - The Secret Society Of Unicorn Fanciers

This week's Confused Ramblings include :

  • The air turns blue early on as Tim reveals how he inadvertently taught his daughter the F-Word;
  • We devise what could possibly be the world's greatest chat up line;
  • We discuss edgy humour on the internet following the lack of success with David's #TimHitler campaign; and
  • David Blunkett's threat of legal action doesn't deter Tim from performing another song on the podcast.

Listen to our podcast every Sunday on BBC Radio One's Website Charts with Bruno Brooks!

005 - The Dark Side Of The Web


This week's confused ramblings include :

  • We're on the web! David discusses the launch of the CROATS website;
  • Tim concocts a Brooks Newmark inspired honey trap for David;
  • Tim provides some unique marriage guidance counselling; and
  • The latest instalment of Tim's Chinaman Adventure

Contact us today for David's special "Beef Omlette" recipe!

004 - Timmy Saville

This week:

  • Tim's enforced surname leads Tim to reveal more details of his personal life;
  • David's jingle for Tim's tale about all the men in China receives a poor reception from Tim; and
  • Tim attempts yet again to prove he's an intellectual by attempting a book review. 

Please listen to this weeks episode at the exact same time as you listened to last weeks in order to maximise your enjoyment!

003 - Kako See Swordfish

Three may be the magic number but there's still only one CROATS podcast.  This week :

  • There's fallout from Tim's disastrous Rowan Williams interview;
  • Tim shares a story/anecdote/tale regarding all the men in China; and
  • David is subjected to the horror that is Tim's singing

002 - Caution! May Induce Vomiting

El segundo!

It's episode two of the CROATS Podcast and this week :

  • David kicks off a brutal campaign to get Tim to reveal his surname on the show;
  • We introduce a new game - 'Dictionary Word Of The Week' which results in David losing an item of clothing; and
  • Tim "interviews" a famous celebrity.

Enjoy the show and remember #TimHitler

001 - The CROATS Are Coming

In our premiere episode David and Tim dive straight into the topics that no one else is talkng about (probably because no one else would consider discussing such ridiculous things):

  • Tim's deluded (vindaloo-ded?) desire to remain anonymous;
  • Whether The Archers is a show about farmers or pirates;
  • Why the world needs (or doesn't need) another two-man comedy podcast;
  • How many Wales you could fit in Croatia;
  • Why (according to Tim) The Backwards Quiz is nothing like Jeopardy!